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In Michelle Stevens' powerful, just-published memoir, Scared Selflessshe shares how she overcame horrendous child sexual abuse and mental illness to lead a satisfying and happy life as a successful psychologist, wife and mother. Here, an excerpt from the book:.

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Since birth, I had been Michelle Brechbill. Daughter of Judy.

At 8 years old, I was being asked to choose between my mother and Gary. It was not a real decision, of course. Gary knew this. If I chose Gary, he would immediately whisk me away from my mother's That is, cover your parts. Dua Lipa left little to the imagination in New York. The year-old British songstress was photographed on an outing in New York this week, wearing her standard eye According to the Bing Blog, Microsoft has made two changes to Bing in response to companies that want to filter adult content: potentially explicit images and video content will now be coming from

Granddaughter of Evelyn and Glenn. Now, with the flick of a pen, I was Mooch a nickname Lundquist, daughter of Gary, new student at his out-of-state school.

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In no one seemed to question any of this. No one seemed to care that my school records displayed a different name or that Gary was not my legal guardian.

We weren't even related. He was just my mother's boyfriend. But social norms dictate that we do not insert ourselves into other people's personal lives.

Being polite means keeping one's mouth shut. And so I, the newly minted Mooch Lundquist, became a third grader at Delaware Township School.

My classroom was on the first floor of the elementary building - just a staircase away from Gary. Every day at 3 p.

Inevitably, a few of his favored year-old students would still be hanging around - joking with him or sitting on his lap. Some days Gary would oversee an after-school activity. The gifted and talented club was invitation only - Gary's invitation, that is.

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Trouble was: Gary had no real training or authority to be administering IQ tests. Instead, he gave kids a short multiple-choice test, the Mickey Mouse kind sold in bookstores. Then, based on his findings, he labeled certain kids - the kids he liked and wanted to spend more time with - as "gifted.

I was gifted, according to Gary.

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This was a real convenience, as he demanded I join his, and only his, after-school clubs. He signed me up for his drama club too and encouraged me to sing in the school talent contest. On the night of the show, various kids performed their acts, and the winner was chosen based on audience response.

Gary was among the judges who awarded me first prize. After that, I was given the lead in all the school plays that he directed. To the other parents, I suppose it seemed that Gary was harmlessly lauding his new daughter.

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In a certain way, he was. Not because he actually thought I was gifted or talented.

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Gary was a narcissist, and narcissists view their families as extensions of themselves, as trophies. Gary believed he was superior, so it was imperative that the world see his daughter as superior too.

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Behind closed doors it was a different story. Gary treated me with a dizzying blend of over-involvement, neglect, overindulgence and cruelty.

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With Svengali-like skill, he quickly took over every ct of my life, dictating what I wore, to whom I talked, even what toys I used. Gary dictated what I wore, to whom I talked, even what toys I used.

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He also strove to monopolize my time - an easy accomplishment since my mother left for work before I awoke and didn't return until evening. During the school year, this meant Gary had me all to himself for an hour each morning and at least three hours every afternoon. Once summer came, he had me all day, every day, all to himself.

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This meant being subjected to daily "training sessions" - intense periods when I was explicitly instructed on how to behave and think like a slave. Much like a dog must be trained to sit, to stay, to heel, practitioners of sadomasochism believe a sex slave must be trained in how to speak, sit, serve.

In short, like a dog, she must be taught total obedience. Gary's dungeon was in the basement. Instead, he left a series of nails and hooks attached to the ceiling beams, which could quickly and easily hold a harness, a rope or some other type of bondage device.

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While much of Gary's paraphernalia had to be kept hidden, I could tell he also had some fun in displaying a few tools of his trade. The dog cage, for instance, was left in plain sight - folded up in a cluttered corner where it appeared to be waiting for the next garage sale.

He also kept a wooden paddle hanging on the wall of his home office, which he jokingly told guests was for "errant children.

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Nor did most people realize that he kept a set of metal handcuffs in his desk drawer, right next to a stun gun and his handgun. I can't remember being threatened with the gun - although it may have happened.

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Due to amnesia, as well as the normal forgetfulness of memory, there are many details about my abuse I can't recall. I know this because, over the years, eyewitnesses have told stories about my abuse that I cannot personally remember. I do, however, remember Gary threatening me with the stun gun repeatedly.

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You were acting out adult sexual behavior that you were seeing in your home.

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Ultimately, you may choose to discuss this with your brother, to put it in perspective and - if necessary - explain and apologize for your part. The path toward forgiveness is paved through talk, connection and apology.

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It is possible to repair a relationship, but only if you are both willing to do the hard work necessary to repair and reattach to each other. I hope you will try. I lived for years with anger and depression rooted in an abusive upbringing.

I finally found the strength to walk away completely from my past - which included severing contact with my parents. Within months, I began to heal. As for social scorn, I was elated to discover that those who knew me fully understood my decision.



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